I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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