my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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