i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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