I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
