I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
