I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
