Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
