I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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