I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize