He kissed a someone with a penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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