I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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