Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
