i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
