he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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