had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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