we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
