ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
