fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
