Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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