In America we eat man semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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