You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
