Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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