what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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