Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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