I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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