You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
