@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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