i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
