He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! Iβm the best!
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