Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
