if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
