Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Blood and glitter go together right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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