Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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