Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
