I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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