You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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