I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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