I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is Oprah even human
I need to align my fucking chakras
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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