69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
