You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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