i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it hurts more in the daytime
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
