does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize
