I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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