i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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