You smell like stripper and shame
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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