His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize