He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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