I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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