in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize