careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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