Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
