you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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