I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize