By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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