So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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