you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
