I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
