Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
