I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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