why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
