Moan for me like Helen Keller
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
