Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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