he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
