I just cut my nipple shaving
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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