I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
