my sisters under your porch take her home
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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