I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
