If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
