don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She told me I should be a condom model.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
