who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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