My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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