How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
